What “Inclusive” Means To Me
When I began this ministry, I asked a friend to critique some website material. She asked what do I mean – exactly – when I say, “I am inclusive.” I explained how chaplains walk alongside a person on their life journey. Chaplains do not judge; they listen, ask questions for clarity and provide pastoral care as a reminder God is with us – always. My friend insisted I share this particular story for others to better understand what “inclusive” means to me.
Hospital chaplains are often called to be with parents when a tiny one is born way too early to survive. A grief-stricken parent sometimes want an end-of-life ritual, often a Baptism, even if their own religion does not believe in infant Baptisms. On one occasion I was called to a floor where moms are losing a pregnancy – away from moms with healthy pregnancies. A doctor thought it might be helpful to offer pastoral care to this mom who lost a pregnancy too early to survive. The parents had not requested a chaplain, but the doctor felt they might appreciate pastoral care. I was greeted by a tear-streaked Dad at their door. After I introduced myself and asked if the parents might want a short visit, he gestured to a woman sitting on the edge of the bed, cradling a tiny bundle wrapped in a hospital blanket. Mom’s eyes were swimming with tears as Dad pulled up a chair and held her hand while I sat at her feet, listening to their story.
“This pregnancy was not planned, but we were so excited” she began. Both parents talked at great length of their love for each other and beginning a family. While each had been raised in 2 very different mainstream religions, neither parent believed in any organized religion and expressed doubts of exactly what they believed. They discussed various types of spirituality they explored and also how much “church” meant to each set of their parents. They asked about a Baptism. I gently asked what a Baptism would look like for each of them. There was a long silence and finally said that a Baptism would really be to honor their parents’ beliefs.
Almost immediately – my thought – and I believe this was from God – was of a blessing. I explained how people from many faiths, religions and cultures, even ancient ones have blessings, even today. The parents really liked the idea. We discussed what they wanted in a blessing and their words came fast, “Could we use words from XXX religion for my mother’s beliefs? I always liked that.” “And something from my parents’ religion? “Of course,” I said, though asked, “What words are important to you?” After lots of note-taking, then verification, we set a time for the blessing and I updated the staff. Shortly beforehand, one nurse brought a white sheet for a table; another a beautiful white baby’s blanket and asked if the parents would like to have it. Mom nodded. Parents and staff tenderly replaced the little one’s blanket. Both sets of grandparents arrived. One grandparent brought a gift we incorporated into the service. The room filled as the blessing blended: the parents’ description of love and loss in the entire family and added meaningful wording they were comfortable with, of their parents’ religions.
This young couple blessed me, especially with their respect for their whole family, while still honoring their own beliefs. It reminds me how God enters into our heart-wrenching moments and blesses us all, exactly where we are. This example best models what I mean of “inclusive” into the Blessings of Life Ministry – with a chaplain’s heart and spirit.
